With a little help from my friends (ok, more like a lot)

In construction, scaffolding is a temporary structure, made of wood or metal that allows workers to access areas of the building that need to be addressed. You know that stuff that you see on the outside of a building when they are cleaning, repairing or building it and the workers need to be half way up the building to get done what needs to be done. In education, scaffolding is the presentation of information in chunks with tools, strategies or other supports to help the student learn each chunk so that the whole skill can be put together successfully. 

Both of these definitions of scaffolding are all about allowing someone to gain access and be supported so that a goal can be met. Well, something occurred to me recently, the people in my life are my scaffolding. As I have shared before, I come from a pretty close knit family and we are in it together. Prior to their passings, my parents were always there for me. (Actually, considering how often I lean on the lessons, I'd say they are still there for me.) My brothers and sisters in law are there for me. My husband is there for me. (If I'm completely honest, sometimes even when I'm not super receptive to them.) The building doesn't realize that the scaffolding is necessary. The student that gets the little extra help to figure out the next step so that he can connect the dots, probably doesn't realize that he needs the extra support. Sometimes, they even fight the help. (If you have ever worked with a highly independent kid who needs a little help, you know what I mean.)  It's not that the kid is being mean or a butthead, it's just that desire to be independent can be so strong that the idea of someone helping makes you feel weak. As I look back on the last couple (or more) years, I am that kid.

Over the years I have had some really awesome high points, but I have also had some really terrible low points. (Like most people, I suspect.) During those low points, I truly just wanted to curl up in a ball in the corner and let the world crash around me. I didn't have the energy, desire or strength to actually do the things I knew I was meant to do and that's when my scaffolding kicked in. I started being reminded that, while I was allowed to be angry/upset/sad/lonely/scared (really whatever feeling I was having) I wasn't allowed to give up. I wasn't allowed to let go of things that had been important to me for years, because the people in my life were going to keep bringing them back to me and putting them in front of me. 

Approximately 18 years ago, I started grad school because I wanted a new certification that had just started being a part of the behavioral education world. Becoming a Board Certified Behavior Analyst was now a life goal and in order to do it correctly I needed a master's degree. So, I enrolled in a program. Then life happened. I went back into the school system and the school system didn't need BCBAs and I didn't need a master's degree to teach, so it all went on hold. As the years passed I ended up realizing I wanted a master's degree, so I enrolled in a different program. This time I was teaching full time, had two children under the age of 4 and my husband worked about 70 hours a week (he was running two different eating establishments). So, that meant I needed help from other people, desperately. With no biological family living close enough to help on a regular basis, I had to get creative, so I did. Friends became my scaffolding in this situation. The daughter of a dear friend ended up babysitting regularly, another friend started picking my kids up from daycare, people started offer to help with things so that I had time to study and do homework. The support was there and real and needed. I got my master's degree. 

Now let's fast forward 12 years or so. I still don't have a BCBA at this point, but they are now a thing in schools so I decide it's time to make that dream happen. My offspring are older, so that's a little easier. In fact, after a discussion about the fact that I wouldn't have time to cook, do homework, have class and study I informed them that they would need to start cooking (because it was that or eat air several nights a week). Both of them took it in stride. Each took on two nights and often served me meals at my desk so I could do homework and eat. My kids became part of my scaffolding. 

I finished my coursework, I finished my supervision hours, I started to panic. The only thing left was the test. The major, huge, super scary test that I had to pass. Failing wasn't an option because...well, then I failed. I started to slide into a dark space where all I could see was the fact that failing would mean I failed and well, that's ok. In comes another friend. She's a BCBA and has been supporting me along the journey to become one. She starts to hear the panic in my voice during one of our conversations and says "you know, failing doesn't mean it's over. It doesn't define you." (At least, that's the words I remember.) Suddenly, I was nervous, but no longer petrified with fear. If failure didn't define me then this was just a step on the path towards a goal. Last year, on June 2, 2021, I passed my huge, giant, hard, scary exam and became a BCBA. 

During all of this, I had friends and family who kept reminding me that no matter what happened, I would be ok and if I wasn't, they were here to help me put it back together. I have friends that I met in the last twenty years who have now been with me through the birth of both my offspring and the death of both my parents. They have let me cry on their shoulders and offered me a safe place to just be happy/sad/angry/scared/whatever. Sometimes because they have been there and sometimes because they just seemed to know that I needed it. They have listened to me vent about homework, kids, work, or whatever I needed to vent about. They have picked up my children from school, from work, from our house to get them places, stayed with my children so Husband and I could have a get away, and taken me on outings so I could regroup. They supported me so that the goal could be met. 

In the Orthodox church, community is important. We are taught to look out for each other. We guide, support, and be a part of the lives of those around us so that we can all move closer to God. While, no one has ever said anything about scaffolding during Sunday School or any homily that I am aware of, I feel like that's a good description of what is expected from an Orthodox christian. You are expected to support each other in the goal of moving closer to God. I pray that I live up to that idea. I pray that I am someone's scaffolding. 

(NOTE: I am very, very lucky to have a lot of wonderful friends. There is no way I could cover all the supportive, loving relationships I have in my life. This is a sample.)